It was so hot today.
The heat made my Bobness boil, and I just had to get out of that office.
When she looked at me she could tell, and let me go early on account of my business trip to Boston tomorrow.
We both know it was because she didn't want to smell me anymore.

I don't know what it is about sticky summer days that makes my B/O so offensively potent.
I put on extra deodorant this morning. Didn't matter.
I still stank, and I know that she smelled it.
I got out at 3 p.m and walked in battery park, like always.





I've been thinking about taking a proactive stance against my loneliness.
Making friends has always been hard for me, but I have never had that kind of aggressive personality that can attract friends.
So I decided to put myself out there.



The combination of heat and my desperate situation may have led me to irrational action.
I thought, if I lie down somebody is bound to talk to me.
No one talked to me.
I could have been hurt.
I could have been passed out.
But not one person stopped and said, "Are you okay?"
It would have been nice if someone asked, because I wasn't okay.

I tried again by lying next to two girls that were sunning on the grass.


It was a bold choice to lie next to them because if they had recognized my existence and said something to me, I would have Bobbed all over them.
They probably smelled me anyway.

I moved on.


Then I noticed that I was sharing a moment with someone.
The man with the towel on his head who was standing like a soldier whose job was to absorb the heat and stickiness and awkward tension that existed within this day.
He could feel it just like I could.
We never spoke or made eye contact, I don't even know if he saw me at all.
But we shared an energy, a feeling, a presence.
His presence recognized my presence and found understanding.
Its been a long time since I felt understood.
It made me happy.

Maybe I don't need to take action as much as I need to allow those moments to happen.

photos by Michael Hart